A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
