Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
