so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
