Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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