I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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