I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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