No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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