Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
