Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
