I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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