i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
