I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
