isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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