Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
