there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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