he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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