I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
