Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
