We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
