they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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