He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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