You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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