Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
