I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
