I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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