smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
