just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
