the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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