I wish I could teleport
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
