when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
