70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
