OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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