Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
