I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
