so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
