She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize