I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
barbara walters just said penis...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
