Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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