I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
