I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize