haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The power of my boobs compel you
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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