she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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