He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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