What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
