I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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