Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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