I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
