I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
