she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
