I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
