I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
