it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
