if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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