I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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