Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
