i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
