love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
