This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
