i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
