If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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