i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
