Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
