The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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