it's too hot outside to masturbate.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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